since when???


its been awhile!

found this old photo of mine thinking how did i look like that. LOL.. but yup, part of me is excited for my solo trip, part of me is dreading it. spending all my hard earned money :'( and it kinda scares me too….. so yea. pray for lina.

anyway, some amazing convo with the girls happened today, it goes:

friends: 'are you still a virgin'
me: ya
friend *stares and trying not to judge*

yes u read it correctly, they were trying hard not to judge ME. Don't get me wrong. these girls are damn nice and sweet looking, one of them is 19, and ya all of them are not virgin. i was the odd one out. and it got me thinking…… since when did the society turned, and changed so much?? back then the non virgin are the odd one out, and now??! being the virgin is the odd one out…… !!! besides, i swear, i look way more wild than them!!!!!!!! any passerby would've thought I'm the party one night stand girl….. but wtf, i choose smoothies over alcohol anytime……. and to the guys tried holding my hands, i can't even look them in the eyes… i mean, i am that sensitive……..

Ok. my point here is not about being which kind of girl is good or bad! no one is! everyone has their own way. I AM ALSO NOT THE SAINT here being a virgin girl…. they even comforted me

friend: 'nvm, u are special'
friend 2: 'but its gonna b hard for you to look for boyfriend, you will be at such disadvantage'
me: that is why I'm single for 2 years.

like this whole thing make me realize……. its gonna get harder and harder for me to look for my special someone………. especially after all the 'dates', here and there, and I'm still so picky.. and again, i don't want to just settle cus i need to…

omg, BUT then again, i don't even know anymore. i feel like the dumbest girl ever, i feel like i should just throw myself out there and stop living my own little fairytales, waiting for that prince charming that is going to cherish me…. look at me like I'm a rare gem….. so what if I'm keeping it so pure, it doesn't mean everyone is gonna appreciate me the same way. In fact, i became the weird one now. YET again, i can't betray my own values and principles. and I'm really that sensitive. i just can't touch anyone i never loved……………………………….

god help me.



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